i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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