it wasn't lemon gatorade
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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