So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
