dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
