You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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