i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
