I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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