I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
