I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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