Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
