dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
