i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
