Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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