My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
