The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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