I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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