bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.