wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.