the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
