this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.