we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
