You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize