just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
