Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
