You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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