The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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