Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
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Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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