you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
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I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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