Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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