i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
