The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
