Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm like, not good at living.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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