just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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