yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree