I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
