forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
