adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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