..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Randomize
