I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
"it" just moved
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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