I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
