Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
