so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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