But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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