Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
