Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
