You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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