i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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