It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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