Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
