So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
