Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
