So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
