I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
