Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
