for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
