Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
