life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
