im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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