It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
