I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
