It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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