We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
