i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm experimenting with sincerity
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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