where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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