no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
