problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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