I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
