I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
