the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she peed on how many people?
Dignity is for republicans.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
