You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
