So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
