I feel great
I just peed on a car
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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