Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
