Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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