you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
