Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
