I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
