i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
