Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
