My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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