please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
