I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
