I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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