The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
