By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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