thus making me awesome and them whores
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
