Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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