Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
